watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
