just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
