She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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