In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
