Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
