you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
