he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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