I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
