everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
