I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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