so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
