if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize