one might say we're banned from that church
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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