were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
