My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
