John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
