I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
