i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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