God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
