We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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