And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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