Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
