those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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