Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
