i permit you to call me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
