I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize