Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
