just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Randomize
