i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
