Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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