Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
