remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
