She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
