I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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