The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
