OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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