flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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