oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
