I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
