I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
