forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize