I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize