I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
