Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
