The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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