Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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