I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
