you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
