i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
