i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
