just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
