i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
