I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
