I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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