I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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