Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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