I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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