Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
