Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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