My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize