is your mom at the bar?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is wine microwaveable?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
