This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
