I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
