She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
