Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He better not be in your backpack
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
