He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
