No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
