ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
