what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
