u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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