Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
