There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
