Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
