I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
