Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Someone came in the potted fern
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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