why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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