If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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