Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have fence marks all over my body
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
