Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
