It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
