CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
