piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
