Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This baby is an asshole
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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