1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
