fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
